Alignment

Last night I made the decision to close the coaching part of my practice.

This has been something that has been gnawing at me for years. Yes, years.

When I woke up to spirituality, I read so many books. I took so many class. I got so many certifications. All to fill an empty void I’ve felt my entire life… To make me feel “better,” and somehow more complete.

Over the time I’ve spent doing these practices to feel more connected to my soul and the universe around me, to calm and train my nervous system, to learn everything I can about the physical and emotional body… After all that learning, I’ve summed it up to one thing.

I don’t need to do anything to change who I am. The whole point is to embody who I’ve always been.

In my coaching practice, I felt this urgency to “help” others learn the same information I was learning, because I found peace in it. The time I spent feeling through my emotions, and all the stagnant energy built up throughout the years really did help me to feel more like myself.

But here’s the thing - These practices worked for me. Someone who is very unique and sees the world from a very different perspective than many other people. What works for me may not work for everyone else, and each time I taught my classes, or entered a coaching session, I felt overwhelmed.

As a neurodivergent individual who absorbs and mirrors back the energy of others, I found that the people I talked to were only interested in seeing through their perspective, and everything I told them went into one ear and out the other. Most humans do not like looking into a mirror that shows all their flaws, and their power. They would rather continue looking through the lens that is comfortable. Even the ones who say they seek challenge.

All of this is very human. I have the same tendencies, which is probably why this is the reaction I would get.

In my work, I’m very direct and honest - something else people aren’t used to. As a sensitive soul, it’s difficult for me to “not care” what other’s think. And this is okay. It’s not something for me to overcome. It’s something for me to protect.

Right now, everything is telling us to overcome. Resist. Battle. Push back. Some days I’m all for it, but on other days, all the energy I spent pushing back catches up to me.

I don’t want to be another woman in the burnout club. I want to enjoy my life, doing what I love.

And to be honest, I don’t think I love coaching. I think I love the idea of helping people.

In a society where the religious doctrines of “What would Jesus do?” encompasses everything, and Jesus is viewed as a self-sacrificing man, I recognize we’ve been fed this idea that to be “almighty” we must sacrifice ourselves for the sake of others. This is all lies with a undertone of corruption.

Jesus did not save us from our sins. He did not sacrifice himself for us. He spoke his truth and he was brutally murdered by the Roman Empire (church) for not bowing to a system of control. Now that same church uses the image of Jesus hanging from a cross to “remind” us of the sacrifice he made. It’s all bullshit. They are using his image as a way to remind the subconscious minds of the people of their power over them, and that they claimed power over a man that spoke once of love and unity. All while religion is the very thing that has separated us all, and has created wars. Religion was built to control, and I think new-age spirituality is a spin-off of the same thing. Be holy, be complacent, be perfect.

Same story, same control, same need to “be better.”

The truth is, we are all perfect how we are. We all feel hurt, and we all cast hurt onto others. No one is a saint. No one needs to be saved.

We just need connection and authenticity, and right now it’s being lost.

Our history is being dismantled and regurgitated by those who want to control the narrative.

Our humanity is being ripped apart by power-hungry parasites that want to own everything, and keep us in line.

Our childhood is being stolen from us by a beauty industry put in place by those who want us to be viewed as children, denying the wisdom that comes with age.

Our intuition is being closed off by organizations that lure us into this idea that we must “keep up.”

The only thing I trust, and know is true is what comes from within myself. I am my own best guide, and you are your own best guide.

And what guides me is art, astrology, and philosophy.

Astrology keeps me in-tuned with my original blueprint - who my soul chose for me to be, and what is in store for the collective.

Philosophy opens my mind to imagination, creation, and completion. Without questions, there are no answers.

And art brings me home to my soul. It is like a piece of my heart is made manifest outside of my body on canvas, in fiber, or through movement and song.

The truth is - there is no filling this empty void. It’s something that exists within every single human being, because we exist as spirit before and after we are born as humans. There’s a part of us that knows there is more, but in this human body, we are forced into forgetting.

What reminds us of this is our passions. The things that make us lose track of time and space. The things that make us feel alive inside our bodies. The things that feel like a fire, and the ocean at the same time. Sometimes it can hit us like a tidal wave, and turn into a silent stream. Sometimes it can burn down all the illusions of who we think we are, and tuns soot into new growth after the intense burning.

Art, astrology, and philosophy make me feel all of those things at the same time, and I want to spend my life feeling it all.

It’s not my job to teach you. It’s my job to show you.

That is my truth.

That is alignment.